thinking about virtuosity, that point of indeterminacy where the line between effort and effortlessness breaks down. what is shared and what is one's own. precocious children and how effort itself comes hard to them (us). help is always necessary and impossible. you have to want to rule the world before you can serve it. neuroses and how the ego ( Read more... )

i have now officially deferred my enrollment in st. john's til next year. and of course, now that i've actually done the thing i've been dreading, i feel not worse but better. much, much better.

so! what should i do with my brand new shiny year off?